Hello Culture!

In the distant memory of the time before I started the adventure of The Everyman Olympics I recall a period where I would go walking in an effort to start the momentum I knew was needed in order for me to begin shedding the pounds, nothing unusual in this you might say but I do recall being mythed at the amount of times complete strangers said 'hello' to me just because they were out walking too - this is the story of how I came to recognise outdoor exercising's Hello Culture!

I first encountered the existence of this polite exercising etiquette whilst walking along the coastline of South East England - random folk out with their dogs or out walking for fitness would voice this greeting to me as I passed in the opposite direction.

To start with I was so flummoxed that before I'd managed to utter a mirrored response they'd already passed by and now I looked like a mumbling fool who uttered polite abuse at strangers backs.

Call me cynical (though please refrain from doing so while I'm out walking - that'd just freak me out) but as a shy and retiring Brit who used to work in retail I think people who say hello to folk they don't know are after something for their own gain.

4th Grade Jack explains it better than me - but then I'm a cynic and believe this clip to be the marketing tool of a corporate machine rather than a smoothly edited home video posted on YouTube by a well meaning seven year old:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcz9V-4QI2M

Before I could control myself I'd joined the 'hello movement' and was busy saying hello! to virtually everyone I could when I was out on one of these fast walks - I'd greet all and sundry, be they fellow fleet-footed fitness fanatics, people on their way to work or the paper shop, or even happy drunks on their way to bed after a cracking night out.

I was like a polite man possessed! And to this end I didn't really pick up on why some folk would respond and others would simply blank this twatful greeter.

It was only when I started The Running Challenge that I noticed the differences between the respondies and the non-responsive and only when I used my wheels for The Cycling Challenge that I realised the hierachy to the Hello Culture!

Here's how the Hello Culture! works:

1. People just out walking as a means of getting from A to B DO NOT say hello! to Walkers
2. Dog Walkers often DO say hello! to Walkers, though it's not a given
3. Walkers DO say hello! to other Walkers, unless they're rude or new or too shattered to say hello
4. Joggers DO NOT say hello! to Walkers unless they look like they're actually Joggers who are just taking a break
5. Joggers DO say helllo! to other Joggers (see No.3 for reason's that some don't)
6. Cyclists DO say hello! to other Cyclists but only respond if they are in the same category of Cyclists (rules of Cyclists to follow)
7. Cyclists DO NOT say hello! to Joggers or Walkers
8. Cyclists DO NOT say hello! to other bike users who are simply cycling as a means of getting from A to B
9. Cyclists seeking fitness but not part of a club DO say hello! to other Cyclists of the same nature
10. Cyclists seeking fitness but not part of a club DO sometimes say hello! to Club Cyclists but DO NOT often get a response
11. Club Cyclists DO say hello! to other Club Cyclists, it would be impolite not to wouldn't it?

I've not worked out the Hello Culture! rules yet for Horse Riders, Sailors *insert 'hello sailor' gag here*, or Mountain Bikers...but I'm working on it.

Next time you see me out exercising DO say hello! but only if we are both Walking, or Jogging, or Cycling and we're of the same standard - otherwise I'll blank you, you mumbling fool.

The Canoeing Challenge: Blazing Paddles

The Canoeing Challenge for The Everyman Olympics fell onto my lap easier than my missus manages to knock things over - believe me she is double clumsy (bless her); a group of pals from Leicester were off on their annual canoeing trip to the English/Welsh boarder and invited me along.

After a briefing Wyedean Canoe & Adventure Centre which frankly we all should have listened to more, the 12 of us paired up, loaded our gear into 6 Canadian open canoes and then launched off into the River Wye.

The River Wye

There are 2 different canoeing events at the Olympics - Slalom & Sprint, the Slalom is a timed run down a white water course with up to 25 gates to negotiate, the Sprint is...erm...a sprint and can be done over 200 metres, 500m or 1000m - simples.

The Canoeing Challenge:

Slalom

• Distance: 39 miles, including White Water Rapids
• Time: 3 Days

Sprint

• Distances: 500m & 1000m(ish)
• Time: As quickly as possible, obviously!

It soon became apparent that most of us had missed the part of the briefing where we got taught how to steer...

The boys were being boys and in that very first leg we each established that none of us wanted to be last, though this was counterbalanced by the girls being girls and not being arsed about the pecking order so long as they could chat with each other along the way.

Toilets breaks had to be approached with all the tactics and skill of a military campaign: every time the shout went out that someone needed a call of nature the lead canoe became the scouts for a place to stop, what followed was essentially the sight of 6 canoes crashing into any riverbank we could all get to, then a scramble of people each trying to help the most needy to secure their vessel from moving off down the river while others urinated in bushes or against trees - a real sight to behold.

One bathroom break was less successful than most: we'd unwisely opted to stop at a muddy bank - having wedged our 'boats' into the mud as best we could, there was a 4 foot high step onto the brown squelchy stuff, followed by a brief climb up yet more mud to get onto the bank.

On the way back down to the canoes Sophie slipped into the river and was dragged off by the current, the rest of us rallied to get her safely into a canoe but this came at a cost - 'I've lost my shoe'.

For food we would moor up at the regularly positioned pubs along the riverbank and occasionally we'd treat ourselves to a beer - just the odd one as I'm sure you can imagine (I didn't accumulate the belly I had before The Everyman Olympics without knowing my way around a pint glass).

Of an evening we would pitch tents at prebooked locations under the watchful eye of our leader,Will - an ex-marine; in our collective minds eye he could deal with any situation we encountered: if a pack of lost wolves attacked as we slept - Will would organise us in a ring of fire and we'd fend them off...if hippies in neighbouring tents persisted in playing Janis Joplin right through the night - Will could cut off their power supply...if we discovered the campsite toilets had no loo role all-too-late - Will would wipe our...

Janis Joplin - Will could take her.

On the morning of Day 3 we'd already travelled 30 miles and had bonded as a tightly knit, expert rowing unit, yet now we were to be briefed on a new and dangerous turn in our journey - the White Water Rapids...

The briefing lasted 20 minutes.

The White Water Rapids lasted 3...minutes.

I. Kid. You. Not.

Disappointed and barely endangered enough for any amount of adrenalin to kick in we ALL felt cheated.

Tones and Kate had shot off when the heavens opened - leaving 6 of us lads to wave good bye to Jess, Katie, Laura and One Shoe Sophie as we drew twigs to work out teams...it was race time!

Will & Ali were favourites - Will being the ex-marine and Ali being a big lad, the Dave & Henry combination looked challenging - Dave with his never-say-die attitude and Henry who looked chipper after spending each day in his canoe with a different lady...which left Ryan and I - me being the newcomer to canoeing and Ry with his iffy steering skills.

We guesstimated the 500m point and lined our vessels up, it was tense...'GO!' I yelled - disaster followed.

All 3 crews headed towards the exact same spot - Will & Ali crashed into Dave & Henry and so did we! Both men were thrown into the river - then we nearly crushed Henry, missing only by inches.

By the time they were safely back into their metal racer they were shattered, so the rest of us took advantage.

Pulling us back to gain unfair advantage Will & Ali paddled off to victory.

2nd place is nowhere in a 3 team race, so me and Ryan had our honour at stake as we lined up for the final event - the 1000 metres(ish).

The race started and this time we meant business...till I saw the chance to get revenge on Will & Ali, which backfired on both teams, leaving Henry & Dave a clear run to the finish line and glory...damn me!

We had to cruise the final 2 miles of our 39 mile Slalom listening to the other crews chirping about their wins...I'd completed another challenge for The Everyman Olympics but was wet and gutted.


With Special Thanks to:

Jess, Kate, Katie, Laura & Sophie - without you ladies it would probably have been a testosterone-fueled canoe race to the death (or the pub...whichever came first)

Tone 'Skimmer' Curran - shame you missed the race because you didn't want to get your hair wet ; )

Will & Ali - Cheers for organising the whole thing Will - much appreciated by all! Oh and congrats on the win chaps, albeit by dodgy means, grrrrr

Dave & Henry - Apologies for trying to kill you

Ryan - A valiant team mate (who must work on his steering).

What a top weekend!

The Weightlifting Challenge: Pumpin'

The Weightlifting Challenge for the The Everyman Olympics fell onto my lap thanks to a response to a tweeted cry for help from an Amercian I'd never met and the enthusiasm of a young woman whom during the month of May I would come to warmly regard as Coach Josie.

Note how knackered I look compared with Coach Josie!

Stepping into the gym I was nervous, not because I was about to meet a complete stranger who I'd only come to know through the internet or because I was about to be judged on how strong I was by a girl, but because I'd had a dicky belly that morning and was fearful that lifting heavy objects might have a diverse affect on my stomach muscles...infront of a complete stranger...who just happened to be a girl...who I'd never met before.

The Running Challenge: Jog On

Having spent a pretty penny on court bills and clocked up the miles chasing games I went back to my catalogue of sports - http://www.olympic.org/ - and searched for a new active adventure that would increase my fitness whilst going easy on my wallet.

I found one option but realised that perhaps the effort levels would be too easy, even for me. No, a walking task was out of the question, but...walk a little quicker...quicker still...

I'd arranged to start this challenge with the company of a pal - feeling that agony was a dish best served to share - but was shocked when I pulled my door open to find that there, stood before me, was a man suitably dressed for the beach. Here in England, it was April.

Gym Clobbered

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I've a confession to make. I'd say I fair pretty well in normal daily attire - I've worked in the fashion trade for years and I know my onions so to speak. I'm not a victim of labels but I know when you need to wear your denim dark and raw (unwashed) or when to drop the big shirt collars and leave them to the city folk. But when it comes to getting sweaty in the name of sport I've always struggled to pick cool togs. Maybe this is down to my problem with buying product which is made by small hands...

Listen, I'm not laying claim to being a fashion guru or some sort of sportswear stylist but clearly there are clothes that are fit for purpose and those garments that look plain daft when worn to exercise in. If you wanted to get buff you wouldn't use cans of beans to do bicep curls would you? No, you'd buy a set of dumbbells and train properly. The right tools for the job. Well I think that when it comes to clothes the same principle applies!

The Badminton Challenge: Spitting Feathers

Back To My Routes

Having sat down through my entire first challenge I knew I needed to start bucking my ideas up, so I rechecked the Olympics listings and opted for a sport I'd actually played before - in fact this was one of the few sports I'd ever come close to playing regularly. All it would take to get started would be a trip into my loft to dig out the tools of my new trade and to make a few calls to set up some opposition.

Having been up into the rafters and dusted off my gear I sat down to coffee in my kitchen and rebooted my laptop to work out the details of my challenge.

The sport? Badminton.

The Rules Of Induction

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Already I've joined 2 gyms in my quest - The Everyman Olympics (see Post 1 new comers), thus bringing me to a current lifetime tally of 6 gyms that I've held membership with at some stage or other. Thanks to the madness of health and safety rules this means I've also had to endure 6 different gym inductions.
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Yes, in the 15 years that there have been between signing up to the first gym to the most recent there has been some considerable progress in the development of sports equipment and yes, I understand that such establishments need to cover themselves in the event that you suffer injury due to poor use of the facilities but in all honesty only once has a gym inductor thought to use common sense and ask me whether I'd ever joined a such a place before. Thus sparing us both the time it would take to ascertain whether I know how to run on a treadmill or follow instructions which are clearly labelled on a weights machine.
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Clearly with the 'vast' experience I have of signing up to gyms (ok the follow-up on my part of regularly using them hasn't been so hot I'll grant you) I'm in a good position to advise you on how to handle such situations. So for what it's worth, here's my guide to The Rules Of Induction.
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The Rowing Challenge: Rowing Without Oars

Let the challenges begin!

Having set the stage for The Everyman Olympics 10/11 back in February one evening I sat down with a beer and my laptop to search the potential challenges on the official Olympics website http://www.olympic.org/ and found that there was a plethora of opportunities before me. Unfortunately they all shared one thing in common...they would involve effort.

I thought of buying a ticket to Vancouver, learning how to ski and mimicking the Cross Country Pursuit, then realised that the Winter Olympics is the wrong way to go – any event which features Curling as a ‘sport’ should be dragged in front of a large mirror and told to take a good long look at itself!

That left the Summer Olympics events page as my catalogue of choice. I had a swig of beer and looked on some more...

Then I found it. The perfect sport on which to base my first challenge of the year of challenges that lay ahead. This was perfect. Featuring the very thing that I do a lot of in both my working day and my spare time...sitting.

The sport of choice for this first challenge? Rowing.

The Everyman Olympics

One morning back in February this year...
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Looking around in my tired haze, I could see why I'd tried to avoid cheap hotels of late. The plastic feel of the curtains, the rough bed sheets and rougher toilet paper (cheap hotels always like to punish you for staying in them, usually by providing thin sandpaper wrapped around a cardboard tube and disguising itself as loo role), the cheap hairdryers attached to the wall next to the cheap mirror, UHT milk which may or may not be in date, and signs and notices everywhere; never a sales opportunity missed or an instruction not given.
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It was 5:41am. I'm sat folded over my laptop, hungover and full of heartburn. The memory of last night's 'awakening' vivid in my mind - this time I would make a life change!
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The night before I'd stood in front of the bathroom mirror, brushing my teeth and trying not to smash my elbow on the shower cubicle. I wished I'd kept my shirt on, the sight of my naked torso causing the alcohol in my bloodstream to start a new chemical reaction in my brain - anger, which poured into my thoughts. How had I let myself get to this? And why hadn't I started my challenge yet?
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Two months before this I'd challenged a friend that we'd have a race to lose a stone, the loser would pay for a slap up meal. Isn't it funny how fat people always think of rewards in terms of food?! I wondered how far my rival in this race had come - while I'd continued eating junk food and avoiding exercise, often with drunken abandon. But this thought would have to wait for now...
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My opponent in this duel was Carl. A man I'd assessed as similar in weight to myself, though to my advantage he's always managed to pack his size onto a body which is a good foot shorter than my own. A gamble then, but one which I felt was stacked in my favour from the beginning.
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As the internet kicked in I thought of my personal attributes, what was it about exercise and dieting that I struggled with? I'd tried both and neither had really taken a hold in my pysche long enough to form a life long habit. Clearly I wasn't the type to take to one form of fitness and stick with it, I needed another angle.
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I picked up my phone from the floor beside the bed and saw that I'd typed one word into an unsent text message before passing out last night. The message simply read 'Olympics'. So I Googled it...
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The birth of The Everyman Olympics
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I looked at the wide array of sports events before me, most of which I'd never tried, some of which I'd never even seen. I thought about my own history of exercise. I thought about how I could marry the merits of the two subjects: I periodically try getting fit through different sports, the Olympics is an event showcasing a variety of different sports, the Olympics lasts just a few weeks , I usually manage just a few weeks doing a sport before before getting bored. I pondered on...
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Then it struck me. If I create one challenge a month, based on an Olympic event, I might stand a chance of achieving fitness, lose the weight, instil a fresh mentality towards exercise and healthy living which will stick with me for life, and more importantly...I'd beat Carl!
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Being an Average Joe I've decided to name this concept The Everyman Olympics.
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Here's how the 'games' will work:

• One challenge to be set every month for a year, based on a different Olympic sport

• Each event to be time restricted to be testing yet realistic - I'll be doing this around my work (my day job involves buckets of travel - 35,000+ miles driving a year - and long days)

This is it, 12 mini challenges to distract me into regular exercise whilst competing against my friend to lose a stone first. My definiative personal guide to sorting my shit out.
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I will update this site to keep you in the loop on the story as it unfolds, and let's be fair - in a way I'm acting as a guinea pig here, this system may well work for many of you!
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So in repayment for my test-dummy services, here's what I'm looking for from your good selves:
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• Suggestions or tips you have on which sports I should base a challenge on
• How I can make the challenges realistic to the real thing and where I might find facilities to use
• Stores where I can get good deals on sports equipment and kit
• Or even if YOU are available to play against me or in some of the team events!

I'm based in the South East of England, though travel all over the UK & Ireland and often abroad too, so wouldn't rule anything out!
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Anyone who helps will be mentioned in the blog (who knows, it may even make a book).
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You can contact me at theeverymanolympian@googlemail.com
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Or follow me on Twitter: @EveryOlympian
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And now available to read: The Everyman Olympics: Re-Galvanised