Numbers Game

The Mathematics of Exercise

You may put your physical prowess down to hard work, you may put your sporting success down to natural ability, but really...its a Numbers Game.

The Power of One

It just takes One motion to get you started...

One step One lift One push One pull One throw One press One leap One stretch One...Nike's marketing team weren't paid gaziliions for the slogan 'Just Do It' for nothing - the sooner you stop lingering on Zero and upgrade to One, the sooner you'll achieve your goals.

As I've mentioned before...personally, training in a gym towards no specific end target is dull and boring - but it's here that the mathematics of exercise are at their purist!

Divide and Conquer

Struggling to get through that hour of pain you've set yourself? Simply divide up your workout into manageable chunks and you'll nail it in no time - work out when you're 10% through, when you've hit half way and then reduce the percentages from 50 down to 5 and you'll fly through it (distract yourself with the maths).

Go Forth and Multiply

When you've done One, do another One, then another One, repeat and repeat until the old tubby you has turned into the new fit-as-a-fiddle you.

It's obvious really but just to make it sink in, here's a simple equation to follow:

(Reps x Sets) x Frequency Per Week = Success

You do the maths.

The Hybrid Games #1

The Modern Olympics were founded by eccentric and interestingly-named Greek philanthropist Evangelis Vasileiou Zappas back in the mid 19th Century, as well as relighting the Olympic torch he also added in his own version of the Pentathlon: the Modern Pentathlon; an event which sandwiches together 5 events with seemingly as much connection as a mobile phone in the Sahara Desert - this got me thinking, what other sports could be combined to make fresh Olympic events?

Garcling

OK so Gardening isn't strictly a sport but let me tell you I've been laying paving in my garden these last few weekends and there's no shortage of lifts, stretches and reps involved - I woke with badly aching limbs last Sunday morning before going off with the lads on a 34 mile bike ride and while trying to keep up I got to thinking - this combination could be a winner...

Garcling = Gardening & Cycling

How would it work?

One idea would be to do a 5km BMX sprint, followed by digging a trench, then a 10km off road mountain bike trek, followed by chopping down a tree, and finishing in a 40km road bike race, split by a hedge sculpture challenge...now think it sounds easy?



I'm willing to offer my garden for use in London 2012 - save me the job


Sweights

Weightlifters work hard for the right to go to the Olympics and show everyone how strong they are, but once they're there they get off lightly and don't even have to place the weights on the bars themselves - but what if these lazy muscly dudes (and dudettes) did have to load the weights on themselves, and what if instead of the weights being handilly on a nearby rack, they were laying on the bottom of a pool?

Sweights = Swimming & Weights

How would it work?

Racing against the clock, the musclemen and women would have to dive for the weights, load a barbell to the required amount and then complete the legal lift before the bell rings.

Warning: You may look like a tit during training

Cliving

No this is not some random new sport where contenders round up as many people called Clive by any means possible within a set time limit (sadly), but instead works along a similar principle to Sweights...

Cliving = Climbing & Diving

How would it work?

Athletes have to climb up a cliff side, then dive off of the top in as stylish a manner as possible - how sexy a combo is this?!!

'Oh bugger I've left me climbing boots up theeeeeerrrrrrrreeeeeee'

The Tennis Challenge: Smashin'

As a kid I'd say that my sporting prowess was limited to two events, yes I dabbled in Rugby and Weightlifting in my teens but that was mainly because I was big for my age for a few years; our PE teacher most likely picked me for the pack due to a lack in numbers and my chunkiness rather than my skill with an oval ball and I most likely picked lifting weights because it'd make me even bigger and that'd serve to protect me from the odd bully at school, but my real sporting interests started early in the pool and later evolved during the summers when I worked hard to emulate my Wimbledon heroes...this is the tale of The Tennis Challenge.

The Tennis Challenge

• Play: 6 (Matches (Each best of 5 sets to add fitness value)
• Time: 8 Days

Feeling slightly under the weather I met Tones one glorious Sunday afternoon in July to start this challenge on some concrete courts in Middle England.

While it had been the best part of a year since I'd last played this game of wits, skill and physical fitness, I believe it had been a while longer for the chap on the other side of the net - who turned up to play with his girlfriends racquet.

The best thing about my route to victory was that despite the scoreline - which was more flattering to me than the match felt (6-1, 6-2, 6-2),  I can honestly say  I had to fight for it - Tones played with heart and guile; a number of my passing winners were narrowly missed by a man hurling himself through the air with no thought for his closeness to the metal mesh outer fencing or the hard deck below...



Think this is gonna hurt? Now picture Tones in the same position above concrete and hurtling towards a metal mesh fence!


My pal Big Pete is not exactly built for tennis (he resembles a cross between Michael Chiklis and Ben Grimm, the character he plays in The Fantastic Four movies) but like a true friend he agreed to meet me the next day back at home for Match 2.

Having discussed venues and come to few conclusions, in true British fashion we ended up going to the pub, but not just any pub - this was a pub with a tennis court.

It's no detriment to the big man that I beat him 6-0, 6-2, 6-2 and in fairness probably gave him a few of those points, because sadly his tennis racquet wasn't exactly built for a man not exactly built for tennis either (he'd borrowed it off of his niece), and despite the cheering support of his lovely wife Debs he was unable to learn and master an unfamiliar sport within the short time we had on court.

In either form this dude's hardly the new Roger Federer

After 45 hours away for work, the late afternoon of Day 5 arrived and it was a must play situation: but I was struggling with a sick feeling in my stomach during the day and before I left to get to Mopsies Courts in Basildon, I had to convince myself I'd be OK...

Old foes always endure great battles, think Senna & Prost, Vader & Obi-Wan, Kermit & Miss Piggy...OK so scrap the last one but you get the idea - Snelly & I were no different, we'd played many times in the past and both of us wanted to claim the trophy*.

*A few years back Snelly and I had come up with a concept by which we played Squash in the Winter, Badminton in the Spring and Tennis Summer to Autumn, whoever dominated each season owned the trophy for that sport - we never actually bought trophies for this, it was just the tern of accolade the overall winner of each event could claim.

For 3 and a half hours we clashed like titans, till eventually I held the trophy aloft; winning 4-6, 7-6 (8-6), 6-3, 7-6 (7-4) - victory was mine!!!

'I'm gonna look after this for a while'

Less than 24 hours later and feeling knackered still quite frankly, I arrived at some courts in Leicester to play a man they call: Ryan Devlyn.




Ryan Devlyn

 He may not have played of late but pre-match he warned me that if his serves started to come good then he'd punish me with them - luckily he took the first set to settle in, I won 6-1 by using my recent experience to focus on accuracy and gave the lad the run around.

Then his serves started to kick in - they were low, quick and accurate and indeed they did punish me.

4 aces later however, I regained my attacking in-game play and took the second set 6-2, which seemed to have a diverse effect on my sturdy opponent and while he reeled from my improving returns he was unable to up the other elements of his game - victory came swiftly with a 6-love win to seal it in straight sets.

Joy in my heart and bruised muscles in my legs, just 12 hours later I cruised through the gates of what can only be descibed as a manor house - I hit jackpot on Day 7 when my mate Chalky agreed to play me on the private court of his father-in-law-ish.

It was then that I took the biggest beating since Bruno vs Tyson '96 - as yet another ace flew past me I asked whether Chalky had played much before:

'I used to play for my school a while back, had coaching for a few years...oh, and I might have played a bit of County'. Cripes.

I can honestly say that I only really won half a game, the 6-2, 6-2, 6-0 victory for my classy opponent didn't do him justice - as we walked off 'centre court' his breathing was calm and controlled, I was a broken man.

Chalky beat me like the big softy I am

'Slight problem old chap, my uncles not got a racquet with him'. I looked at my phone in disbelief. Bo***cks! Suave's news could not have come at a worse time - I now needed a final day opponent and didn't have a clue who'd be up for playing on such short notice, I was in danger of failing The Tennis Challenge.

Post call there ensued a melee of madness - I called John, Kelly, Matt, Ma, Glen...Mark, Brian, Mike, Paul, Si...nothing! I hopped in the car and headed to the M25 in the hope of being best positioned to get to any game, anywhere in the UK and continued to make and take calls - those who couldn't play me I made be scouts for opposition and they would report back - I was desperate for an opponent.

By 1pm I was sat in my car at a service station and distraught, I'd made over 40 enquiries for fresh opponents and had scouts covering everywhere South of the North of England, the gamble of heading away from home had even meant I'd missed out on a match I could have played near home but my potential opponent had to be finished my 2pm - there was no way I could make it back in time.

A call came in through my cars speakers, ''Ey up bud have you found anyone to play yet?', it was Donnie Chris, he went on to explain that he was taking his missus,Trish, to her bosses house in Northampton that afternoon and could pack a racquet and shorts if need be - if need be?!!! Hell Yes I needed be!!

We arrived at the oddly named 'Race Course' to find a large field with no race course but it did have courts galore, and room for football and basketball too - the final match began at after 5pm on the last day of the challenge, on a grass court that had seen much much better days.

Actual picture of playing surface

At two sets down I'd had enough of this comedic farce - I'd guesstimate over half the shots we each had to receive bounced so ridiculously that chance and luck had more to do with the scoreline than pure tennis ability (though I would say that at 6-1, 6-1 down), so we moved onto a hard court nearby...

Some say that its the 'taking part that counts', and for the sheer fact that I've set these challenges up for the exercise value rather than to win every one I should agree - but I can't, fact is that losing in straight sets at a game I love is blinking annoying! (Chris took the last set 6-3, damn him!).


With Special Thanks to:

Tones - Cheers for turning up to start The Tennis Challenge the day after that day ; )

Big Pete - Nice one mate, let me know when you fancy a rematch!

Paul 'Snelly' Snell - The Tennis trophy is mine, next up - Badminton & Squash!!

The man they call Ryan Devlyn - Nice one fella, but next time keep them aces to yourself.

Chalky - A pleasure to lose to you sir, many thanks for the education!

Chris - Well done mate...Git.

We have a Winner!!

As you'll recall the first post on The Everyman Olympics outlined why I'm doing these challenges, whilst my second post -  The Very Exciting Subplot - focused on my competition with Carl and the race to lose a stone - this is an update on that sub-challenge, and yes ladies and gents, we have a winner!

The Weightlifting Challenge: Pumpin'

The Weightlifting Challenge for the The Everyman Olympics fell onto my lap thanks to a response to a tweeted cry for help from an Amercian I'd never met and the enthusiasm of a young woman whom during the month of May I would come to warmly regard as Coach Josie.

Note how knackered I look compared with Coach Josie!

Stepping into the gym I was nervous, not because I was about to meet a complete stranger who I'd only come to know through the internet or because I was about to be judged on how strong I was by a girl, but because I'd had a dicky belly that morning and was fearful that lifting heavy objects might have a diverse affect on my stomach muscles...infront of a complete stranger...who just happened to be a girl...who I'd never met before.

The Running Challenge: Jog On

Having spent a pretty penny on court bills and clocked up the miles chasing games I went back to my catalogue of sports - http://www.olympic.org/ - and searched for a new active adventure that would increase my fitness whilst going easy on my wallet.

I found one option but realised that perhaps the effort levels would be too easy, even for me. No, a walking task was out of the question, but...walk a little quicker...quicker still...

I'd arranged to start this challenge with the company of a pal - feeling that agony was a dish best served to share - but was shocked when I pulled my door open to find that there, stood before me, was a man suitably dressed for the beach. Here in England, it was April.

Gym Clobbered

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I've a confession to make. I'd say I fair pretty well in normal daily attire - I've worked in the fashion trade for years and I know my onions so to speak. I'm not a victim of labels but I know when you need to wear your denim dark and raw (unwashed) or when to drop the big shirt collars and leave them to the city folk. But when it comes to getting sweaty in the name of sport I've always struggled to pick cool togs. Maybe this is down to my problem with buying product which is made by small hands...

Listen, I'm not laying claim to being a fashion guru or some sort of sportswear stylist but clearly there are clothes that are fit for purpose and those garments that look plain daft when worn to exercise in. If you wanted to get buff you wouldn't use cans of beans to do bicep curls would you? No, you'd buy a set of dumbbells and train properly. The right tools for the job. Well I think that when it comes to clothes the same principle applies!

The Badminton Challenge: Spitting Feathers

Back To My Routes

Having sat down through my entire first challenge I knew I needed to start bucking my ideas up, so I rechecked the Olympics listings and opted for a sport I'd actually played before - in fact this was one of the few sports I'd ever come close to playing regularly. All it would take to get started would be a trip into my loft to dig out the tools of my new trade and to make a few calls to set up some opposition.

Having been up into the rafters and dusted off my gear I sat down to coffee in my kitchen and rebooted my laptop to work out the details of my challenge.

The sport? Badminton.

The Rules Of Induction

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Already I've joined 2 gyms in my quest - The Everyman Olympics (see Post 1 new comers), thus bringing me to a current lifetime tally of 6 gyms that I've held membership with at some stage or other. Thanks to the madness of health and safety rules this means I've also had to endure 6 different gym inductions.
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Yes, in the 15 years that there have been between signing up to the first gym to the most recent there has been some considerable progress in the development of sports equipment and yes, I understand that such establishments need to cover themselves in the event that you suffer injury due to poor use of the facilities but in all honesty only once has a gym inductor thought to use common sense and ask me whether I'd ever joined a such a place before. Thus sparing us both the time it would take to ascertain whether I know how to run on a treadmill or follow instructions which are clearly labelled on a weights machine.
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Clearly with the 'vast' experience I have of signing up to gyms (ok the follow-up on my part of regularly using them hasn't been so hot I'll grant you) I'm in a good position to advise you on how to handle such situations. So for what it's worth, here's my guide to The Rules Of Induction.
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The Rowing Challenge: Rowing Without Oars

Let the challenges begin!

Having set the stage for The Everyman Olympics 10/11 back in February one evening I sat down with a beer and my laptop to search the potential challenges on the official Olympics website http://www.olympic.org/ and found that there was a plethora of opportunities before me. Unfortunately they all shared one thing in common...they would involve effort.

I thought of buying a ticket to Vancouver, learning how to ski and mimicking the Cross Country Pursuit, then realised that the Winter Olympics is the wrong way to go – any event which features Curling as a ‘sport’ should be dragged in front of a large mirror and told to take a good long look at itself!

That left the Summer Olympics events page as my catalogue of choice. I had a swig of beer and looked on some more...

Then I found it. The perfect sport on which to base my first challenge of the year of challenges that lay ahead. This was perfect. Featuring the very thing that I do a lot of in both my working day and my spare time...sitting.

The sport of choice for this first challenge? Rowing.

The Very Exciting Subplot

You’ll recall that last time around I explained how The Everyman Olympics came into being and why I was undertaking this year long set of sports challenges based on Olympic events.
(Late comers please see Post 1: The Everyman Olympics).

You’ll also recollect that as well as the aim to get fit, lose the flab and in-part act as a guinea pig for a whole new approach to exercise, that running parallel to this adventure I am competing against a rival to be the first to lose a stone in weight = The Very Exciting Subplot.

Now some of you who frequent gyms or do exercise by other means will appreciate that there is losing a stone and losing a stone.

The Everyman Olympics

One morning back in February this year...
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Looking around in my tired haze, I could see why I'd tried to avoid cheap hotels of late. The plastic feel of the curtains, the rough bed sheets and rougher toilet paper (cheap hotels always like to punish you for staying in them, usually by providing thin sandpaper wrapped around a cardboard tube and disguising itself as loo role), the cheap hairdryers attached to the wall next to the cheap mirror, UHT milk which may or may not be in date, and signs and notices everywhere; never a sales opportunity missed or an instruction not given.
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It was 5:41am. I'm sat folded over my laptop, hungover and full of heartburn. The memory of last night's 'awakening' vivid in my mind - this time I would make a life change!
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The night before I'd stood in front of the bathroom mirror, brushing my teeth and trying not to smash my elbow on the shower cubicle. I wished I'd kept my shirt on, the sight of my naked torso causing the alcohol in my bloodstream to start a new chemical reaction in my brain - anger, which poured into my thoughts. How had I let myself get to this? And why hadn't I started my challenge yet?
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Two months before this I'd challenged a friend that we'd have a race to lose a stone, the loser would pay for a slap up meal. Isn't it funny how fat people always think of rewards in terms of food?! I wondered how far my rival in this race had come - while I'd continued eating junk food and avoiding exercise, often with drunken abandon. But this thought would have to wait for now...
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My opponent in this duel was Carl. A man I'd assessed as similar in weight to myself, though to my advantage he's always managed to pack his size onto a body which is a good foot shorter than my own. A gamble then, but one which I felt was stacked in my favour from the beginning.
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As the internet kicked in I thought of my personal attributes, what was it about exercise and dieting that I struggled with? I'd tried both and neither had really taken a hold in my pysche long enough to form a life long habit. Clearly I wasn't the type to take to one form of fitness and stick with it, I needed another angle.
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I picked up my phone from the floor beside the bed and saw that I'd typed one word into an unsent text message before passing out last night. The message simply read 'Olympics'. So I Googled it...
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The birth of The Everyman Olympics
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I looked at the wide array of sports events before me, most of which I'd never tried, some of which I'd never even seen. I thought about my own history of exercise. I thought about how I could marry the merits of the two subjects: I periodically try getting fit through different sports, the Olympics is an event showcasing a variety of different sports, the Olympics lasts just a few weeks , I usually manage just a few weeks doing a sport before before getting bored. I pondered on...
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Then it struck me. If I create one challenge a month, based on an Olympic event, I might stand a chance of achieving fitness, lose the weight, instil a fresh mentality towards exercise and healthy living which will stick with me for life, and more importantly...I'd beat Carl!
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Being an Average Joe I've decided to name this concept The Everyman Olympics.
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Here's how the 'games' will work:

• One challenge to be set every month for a year, based on a different Olympic sport

• Each event to be time restricted to be testing yet realistic - I'll be doing this around my work (my day job involves buckets of travel - 35,000+ miles driving a year - and long days)

This is it, 12 mini challenges to distract me into regular exercise whilst competing against my friend to lose a stone first. My definiative personal guide to sorting my shit out.
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I will update this site to keep you in the loop on the story as it unfolds, and let's be fair - in a way I'm acting as a guinea pig here, this system may well work for many of you!
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So in repayment for my test-dummy services, here's what I'm looking for from your good selves:
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• Suggestions or tips you have on which sports I should base a challenge on
• How I can make the challenges realistic to the real thing and where I might find facilities to use
• Stores where I can get good deals on sports equipment and kit
• Or even if YOU are available to play against me or in some of the team events!

I'm based in the South East of England, though travel all over the UK & Ireland and often abroad too, so wouldn't rule anything out!
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Anyone who helps will be mentioned in the blog (who knows, it may even make a book).
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You can contact me at theeverymanolympian@googlemail.com
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Or follow me on Twitter: @EveryOlympian
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And now available to read: The Everyman Olympics: Re-Galvanised